WHY WAS I EVEN BORN?

Maybe it's taken 59 years to figure out how stupid I am.

I just spent an hour on the phone with my cousin; she has a Master's degree in hospital administration. She's worked as a rec therapist in a MHU many years ago.

I'M BAWLING MY EYES OUT NOW. She says,"I don't mean to preach at you....".

BRIEF HISTORY:
I had young kids, a mom who was totally dependent on me for everything due to a stroke, and a husband trying to kill himself many times because of his job.

The FP prescribed Prozac for me.

I didn't take them as prescribed. I was under too much stress with the divorce, death, estate, kids, work and house. I don't think I realized what the SSRI's were about. Maybe I didn't/don't even have depression.

Now, in the last year: A sought counsel from a psychiatrist, who thought I'd do well on Wellbutrin but first said, "your more normal than you think."

Now, the cousin has made comments that, "I'm resisting the MD about taking the pills, you told him you want off, so he's abiding by your wishes."

I went to him last week and said, "If you want me to take the meds then I will." "No, I don't." BUT, he said he'd give me anxiety meds.

Everything I say or do she critiques/critizes me: helping her move all over shit out of her storage, my FB message to my daughter who for unknown reasons won't talk to me right now (her dad died and she has just stopped talking to me) Everthing, anything I say or do is criticized.

The apt complex I live in has cockroaches. I've fought them tooth and nail, every which way, the continue to invade after being professionally sprayed.

Now, I've found bed bugs too. I tell the cousin I'm calling an aunt to get some money to move out. You don't have a good enough relationship with her. WHO the fuck is she to tell me.

I'M JUST ONE BIG EFF UP, without her saying it.

She told me recently she didn't like Wayne at all.

Well, I think when it comes down to it, she probably doesn't like me either but because she's into "finding God's purpose" here on earth, and she, herself is standing in a food line, she's taking me along too (my son makes too much money for us to qualify for food stamps) and my "resume isn't good enough," so I'm not getting any calls.

I'M UPSET, I SHOULDN'T BE WRITING THIS BUT I'M ?

WHERE SHOULD I TURN?